Why I Can’t Have Anything Nice

I bought a new couch
But dysfunction reigns supreme
I miss the garbage

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Don’t Search Through Old Emails

 
Visiting the past
Throw myself down that damn well
My wounds fresh again

Ring-a-ding-ding

cuffring

I hate your fingernails
Hands pointed and angled
Showing off the product of a likely now dead man’s unpaid and torturous labor

This is what you came to earth for
Pomp and circumstance
To be someone else’s
To be property

You know at one time, there was an exchange between parents
Money
For our bodies

Now we buy magazines
Sashes and veils
guest books and centerpieces
gifts for witnesses to our unflinching commitment

I hate your photographer
Exploiting your joy for all of us to see
Manufacturing love in two dimension
That we all wish for

Don’t we?

I feel I’m speaking to most of one gender
I never see men get excited over card stock or something borrowed

Bridal
Bridle

Get in line, fillies
Your saddles will be ready in 4-6 weeks

Smile and nod
Watch the others groomed and paraded

show fucking ponies

All that shit that you just dropped
ain’t made of diamonds
and you’re standing in centuries-old acrid stench
with your hairdos and your bouquet

I hate all those party songs
because I danced to the tune
just like all the other fascistas
conformers
carbon copied concubines

you can’t ride me any more
and I’m forgetting the words

Tell those men and children in the mine to go home to their families

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This one’s for me

Someday
Someone else will think I am pretty
Someone will hold me in high esteem
Today is not that day
Today the only person I will look to for that is me.

In the near future
Someone besides myself will value my existence
Someone will miss my very presence
Right now has felt barren of any such kind of sentiment
For tomorrow I wish to no longer look outside for it

Years from now
A “we” will look back and see how far we’ve come
I will fully appreciate how long my own journey was
This year has not been kind or gentle or proud
This year I truly learned what grief was about

When I have gone
I hope my family will look on me with love and respect
I hope my life will have meant more than some transition from birth to death
So often it’s been a challenge I didn’t agree to or want
But I’m here to take it. Now. And for the somedays and the future, and the me who matters
and is SOMEONE.