Pseudocode stage


The same machinations
but you hacked yourself not to comply
Still childishly craving distance through sexualization
you rewired your adult conscience to override

But all this new code doesnt change the power of one good look or a shaking hand or a wry smile

A strong hug makes the system default

You’ll
still
fuck
anything
that
walks

Zeros and ones baby
That’s all we flesh machines have got

I’d go home and jerk off but…

it's truly a lie - J.Homme
I’m as lame as the fabric in my 26yo college sweatshirt
I’m a giant drip
I have nothing to give
I don’t even know if I have enough words

Can’t finish a thought
Can barely maintain a fantasy
I get two days in and I’m disappointed

Masturbation is exercise for the terminally bored
Internet matchmaking has failed me
I don’t even think the girl in my pictures is paying attention and fell
asleep
oh my god
should I take up calligraphy?

im too tired for capitalization and punctuation
Fuck you, space bar.
I don’t even think I can drink anymore
It makes me think I should so that i won’t get a headache.
That’s no fun on a school night

So much time with my thumbs on flickering glass
Instead of saying something longer than a character count
I’m too tired
My job and the way to get to and from
Takes all my brains
I leave them spread out across a university campus
Higher learning for someone else, not me
I study spit trails on the sidewalk

Writing (or waiting, pick a letter) with one eye cracked open because consciousness is a luxury
Where are you superman?
someone?
A voice in my head just uttered
“I think youre a reasonable girl” and then something punitive
I forget that part
but it got in.
The voice inside that wont let you anything

time to charge the company battery
maybe try again to feel the longing on the way to dreamworld
rockstar boyfriends
go on tour and bring the kid
in my dreams, my flesh and blood is with me in a better life
that’s a good start
but maybe I need to be living the dream
instead of wishing for it to come via pillows and down
i wish i wish i wish
I deserved
i deserve?

someone else I know just said I’m my own person
tell her to go to sleep before she writes over all this
she’s no fan of doubt at this age
she’d like the steadiness of an easy commute and a good meal
I keep trying to make her
Me
Which one of us has the keys?

 

A Different Kind of Tension


Single thought on blast:
“Oh my GOD I’m so horny.”
Who can I share that with?
It’s not like:
“I need chocolate”
Someone’s always got a stash

I miss having a partner in crime
Someone to tell this most private sensation
Someone who might get a rise
Want to help
Might offer to mix fluids with mine

I have so much energy in this realm
More than most
Even at this age
I have more and more
Sad that it sits inside me, unused
Seems like such a shame

I can blame hormones
I’m a cyclical organism afterall
It might pass in a few hours
But for now its brutal
And I’m at a workplace
Infected with lust
and alone