Far Away Friend

I’ll always read you
He who wants to destroy worlds
But who writes instead



you’re like some kind of Bukowski
kind of drunk and disorderly in your soul
debauched and distended from trauma and hard lessons

you walk alone all the time

even enveloped in children’s hugs and words and laughter

you walk alone and I watch you from here
head heavy with some kind of love
but not love
but love
and tears that stream effortlessly onto the page

because I try to walk alone but I hate it and I fight it

you can’t help it

They took your connection away
They stole your childish laughter and boundless joy
They treated you like a thing in a cage and bound you
You were their charge to exploit

and you walk alone, dragging the chains from that cage
and I watch you comment on the dull throb of humanity through that ache
and that thing they made you isn’t all you all the time
but you can’t be convinced otherwise

at least not by some ersatz one-time lover who analyzes you while deep in lusty diatribes

oh Chuck, I hope for a day
when you’ll be able to get up
off that beat up mattress
and leave the bleak and crumbling four walls
that feed all the the fury and deathly pale empty hate

and walk out into the sun
and feel it on your skin
and cry for joy at the little things
and your children’s hands and feet
and feel and feel just everything

and that you’ll take someone with you while you walk
and let them see your scars and heart
as dark as it is
you’re worthy of sunshine and redemption
you’re not hopeless, even if you have little will to fight

that sad, broken room will always be there when you want to visit
when you want to sit down on a wobbly chair
and pour out the disgust and despair that will rise
but you don’t have to live there

go sit outside and watch people for awhile
look for a smile
look for some kind gesture
something you’d like to find
love it or hate it
and tell us everything

we’ll just stay here
walking behind
waiting for the invitation
to join you
when walking alone feels more alone than sublime

Loss for words

I ache and want to cry
It’s nothing you did
I’m just like this
I’m like this sometimes

That’s a lie
I’m like this a lot
Sometimes when you say things that hit me
When I know you’re out there
When I wonder

Why I’m like this
It’s a phase one day
Then another and I miss you
And you didn’t invite me
But it doesn’t matter
Because you’re somewhere

There’s your voice
I know you
Know why I’m like this?

Doesn’t matter

It happens all
The time
When there’s someone
I want to know
Like I want to know you
I felt like you knew me somehow
It’s actually true

I want to be there
And I want you to be there
Not to make eachother sad
But for shoulders and high fives
And sometimes your eyes
Mean something to me
I can never explain

You’re right there’s something
I wish I could just be your friend
It’s why I’m like this
I’ll always wish
and want you to laugh and say
I’m glad to know you
Like this

Be my BFFF

You know me
Like no one else
Not because of music
Not mutual friends
It’s deeper than hobbies
Or politics
Or family
It’s how we need

I know when I see you again
There will be deep breathing
Because of this knowing
We want desperately to be superfriends
But we are likely
To end up staring with intent
Because to souls like ours
The aching is transparent

There is so much comfort in the seeing
I’d dare to call it honesty
But could you?
Could you look at me on fire and tell me
Despite what hands mouth and body want to do
That you’re better off a wonder twin?

My ice canine, I cannot have it any other way
Death by the greatest lust
Or the semi-tortured game of confidants for life
Truth we share will bond our hearts and minds

When I’m furious and rage-twisted
You have the nerve to laugh at me
When I’m wretched and spoiled
The place for my impertinence is over your knee

When I want to explode in pain
You find excitement
Who could ever face down this kind of intensity
This awesome beast, dominant yet broken
What a friend
What a friend indeed

*best fucking friends forever