A reminder of sorts

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Fighting with a rumble
Like hunger
Not in my stomach
But everywhere else
Memories that don’t serve
But to hurt
Remind me
Of my invisibility
And this ache to be truly wanted
Sought after
To be coveted
Gets lost
In a blur of manflesh scent and sound
Some moment when I thought I WAS wanted
but it wasn’t me
It was what I offered
Easy accessibility
Commitment free
Or so it seemed

But the rumble doesn’t care all that much
about consequences
Or unrequited love
It wants to be noticed
It wants me to get penetrated
So I’ll forget
That my heart beats
That I could have wings
That so many have hurt me
That I’ve let so many
and destroy
What hides deep beneath

The rubble of ages of men
I dig through
I want to clean this place I call my soul
There’s so much detritus
Where do I put it?
I don’t know
The rumble
Is just motion
It’s how I know
There’s more digging to be done
To clear space
For new memories that will serve to reinforce and preserve me
For a clearing where I can stand in the open
And truly be seen


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