Before, Revisited

Found an old roll of film last week
Took it to the local drug store
I was prepared for anything
Photos from 15 years ago or more

before we made all the promises we just couldn’t keep
before the language of silence was the only one we could speak

Photos of two people who looked younger and happier.
One was me in love (or something)
with the man holding the lens.
One photo was us, embracing and kissing.
In the last I lay on his chest, eyes closed and content

Before marriage and houses and commitments and lies
before fights and harsh words you can never revise.

I know too much now, I can’t go back there
I cut up all the photos into tiny little pieces
Love is blind
I was blind
That is the truth of this

I remember moments that looked like those did
I remember declarations and demonstrations of the heart
But they were only moments and they were wasted
Before we were together we were already apart

Before the all our breakups, secrets and terrible choices
Before when i thought “That was such a good time.”
Before the sun in my eyes became a chorus of voices
Before I left with nothing to keep myself alive

I don’t need another picture to tell me
I am not the girl eyes shut in disbelief
I will move on
before I regret
before I forget
that is the truth in this


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